Thirteen years ago, when I was 25, my boss got fired. As I was his executive assistant, this meant that for months I had no work to do. One day as I was sitting around, mostly doing nothing but trying to figure out how to renew my Jane magazine subscription online, I discovered on the Jane website what I saw at the time could be a fantastic way to pass my bored days: MESSAGE BOARDS. Message boards filled with people arguing over politics and yelling at trolls, talking about what they were reading and watching, asking for advice, listing what they ate that day, sharing pictures of their lives. I signed up immediately. It was an intimidating group; many of them had been posting for years and were already real-life friends, traveling long distances to attend meetups. I knew I wanted in on it.
In the intervening time, it has been the rare day that has passed without me talking with my Jane girls. I have posted from Tunisia, from Scotland, from Spain, from Colorado, Missouri, Montana, Key West. From three different jobs (shh). From three apartments and my current home. I have attended meetups in Ann Arbor, Michigan; in Columbus, Ohio; in Door County, Wisconsin; in rural Tennessee; in New York City. I hosted one at my house. The best friends we made in California were all Jane-based, and we moved to North Carolina in part because I already knew someone here, even though I had never met her until we arrived with our U-Haul. She met us at the hotel the very first night. Some of the best friends I have in Raleigh are a result of a book club started almost ten years ago by three Jane board veterans.
Still, after all of that, you don't really realize what people mean to you until the shit hits the fan. The shit in this case, of course, being cancer. When I was diagnosed I told Ben, and then my mom, and then my girls. And then they kicked into action and there have been zero days since when I haven't felt that a hundred people from all over the world had my back every second of the day. I have received countless cards and packages. Every day, almost, something new. I have been keeping a list in a notebook and it's three pages long. And every bit of it is exactly right - either something I didn't know I needed that has turned out to be crucially useful, or something I wanted for myself but hadn't gotten, or something to brighten up my day in a way I hadn't even considered. Pizza Rolls delivered to my house the day before surgery, for example. Comedy DVDs to pass those awful weeks between diagnosis and the pathology report. Birkenstocks! Gift cards to all of my favorite and usual places. Handmade hats and candy and silly t-shirts and subscriptions to food delivery services. So many cards, funny and heartfelt and sarcastic and perfect. And today, a dress I mentioned in passing that I liked but wasn't letting myself buy.
We used to talk about whether or not we could get on Oprah, considering how we started so many years ago on a public message board and have formed such lasting bonds despite the fact that many of us have still never met in person. But now Oprah has been off the air for four years, and we're still going. I wish everyone could have internet friends like these - internet friends who are so real I haven't thought of them as internet friends for years. I am so, so lucky. Thank you, crazy fiber optics company CEO, for firing my boss. I would not be the same person today without these people in my life.
And thank you, my lovelies who are reading this. I love you. For real.
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